We’ve said in the past that people in the U.S. get the short end of the stick when it comes to getting time off. That’s probably why hacks such as “How to get 46 days off while only using 18 PTO days” are so popular.
There are some companies that occasionally ask their workers to “donate” some of their time off. I remember when I used to work in a hospital, there was someone who had to take many days off to bring a close family member to important medical appointments due to a sudden illness. With taking 2 or 3 days off per week, they ran out of PTO within a couple of months, but the family member was still going to get treatment for X amount of time. So the hospital asked if anyone was willing to “donate” any PTO time for them. There were hundreds of us working there, and of those who were willing to donate, the person was able to get through the family emergency without days without pay.
As I mentioned, my hospital was very generous with their time off. But for people who only get very limited days off per year, their PTO is particularly sacred. Which brings us to this situation.
There was a woman who worked for a company that didn’t provide paid maternity leave. About a year or so ago, she was asked to donate a day of PTO to help a pregnant co-worker. However the woman only got limited days off per year that were already “claimed.”
The whole story was posted on Reddit. She asked for advice and wanted to see if others felt she had acted unreasonably.
Reddit has over 100,000 active communities, one of which is called AITA. The initials represent the term, “Am I The A-Hole.” The community is defined as, “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you’re right, or you’re the a-hole.” It’s kind of like a “jury of your peers” sort of thing and you may eventually be determined to YTA (You’re The A-Hole) or NTA (Not The A-Hole).
Here’s what she said:
WIBTA if I don’t donate my vacation days?
Trying to keep anon (cr*ppy boss might fire me for posting 😂)
I (24F) work as tech support in a telecom company. They don’t provide paid maternity leave but “fundraise” whenever a pregnant women needs time off. We all get 2 weeks vacation 5 sick days and 3 PTO but my pregnant coworker used up some of it already. So my boss asked everyone to “donate” and most people have given a day but I used up a week of vacation and PTO days already and I’m leaving in July to visit family and booked a full week (9 days if you count the weekends). My coworkers are pressuring me to give up my vacation days since they feel like I don’t need them being single w/o kids but I already bought my plane ticket. I also don’t really know the pregnant lady and don’t feel like my responsibility when my boss could just give her the days. WIBTA if I don’t “donate” my vacation days?
The woman’s plight garnered over 1,000 replies in a relatively short period of time, and I couldn’t find one person who didn’t agree with her. Here are some of the more interesting responses (edited only for adult language and clarity):
- Let me take a wild guess before I read the comments… You’re in the US?? — elationonceagain (Note from Sharon: Reddit is read worldwide, and repondents from outside the U.S. were nearly all besides themselves that we don’t have mandatory paid maternity leave)
- Another example of employers not giving a crap about employees. You earned those days, you deserve those days, so YOU use those days — vladtheimpale_her
- About 18 months ago a coworker’s newborn son required open heart surgery. He’d taken paternity leave and some vacation after the birth, so didn’t have a lot of PTO left. The company give him a week’s leave at full pay.
If the company really wants to, the company can find a way. – canadian_maplesugar - I’d flat out ask if boss and the business are going to match the days donated off. — DimiBlue
- They’re literally part of your compensation, it’s like taking a pay cut to ask you to donate your vacation days. Two weeks is a tiny amount of vacation to begin with. — Fl)raPo5te
- NTA, the people pressuring you are the probably the same people who have days banked up and it won’t effect their planned time off. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, your time off is approved and your flights are booked. It is not your fault the company has a crappy maternity leave policy. — highwoodyshade
- One of my husband’s bosses told him to clock in his 40 hours a week when he was going through chemo and missing 3 days of work every two weeks. That was an incredible kindness.
It’s unfair to expect the other employees to make up someone’s maternity leave time. While it’s a nice gesture to donate time, the employees shouldn’t be made to feel responsible and obligated for something that shouldn’t be their burden to bear. — ThrowRAavocado - NTA, and ignore everyone.
First it was told I should cover work because I was single, then married but no kids, then kids but my parents weren’t old and frail – it was (and still is) always something.
You didn’t make the baby and you are not financially responsible for it. Giving up paid time off is the same as giving her money. — Drive-by-poster - As a married woman with kids, it pisses me off when people treat single and childless people like they don’t deserve their time off.
The US is the only developed nation without mandatory parental leave. That’s a problem, and it’s really the big asshole here. - Even in my country, new mothers get twelve weeks of paid leave. This is Nigeria, where there’s no clean water and the government just outlawed Twitter because they deleted the president’s tweet threatening genocide against one of the three major tribes, and we still figured out paid maternity leave. — Talisa87
BUT. We don’t live to work. We work to live. I take my time off right now for baseball tournaments and sick kids because that’s where my life is right now. And 10 years ago I took them off to go to the Caribbean with my now husband after a crazy busy season where we literally saw each other at breakfast and bed time for 6 months and we needed to reconnect. And before I met him, I used them to see my friends going through breakups or getting married or to be there for the birth of my niece and nephew. Or to go to music festivals. Or whatever. Because doing those things made my life balanced and made me a better worker. In 10-12 years I’ll use them to travel the world with my husband without kids. Because that’s what I’ll need at that point in my life to bring balance.
I’m a CPA and I fully understand that I’m working in the capitalistic environment that makes us think we owe our jobs more than we owe ourselves. BUT WE DON’T. The job won’t care about you after you’re gone. Don’t put your own needs aside because the job isn’t taking care of its employees! — Jade_Echo - NTA. You did not create this system, and just because you’re single and have no kids does not mean you are less entitled to your time than anyone else. — RedoubtableSouth
- NTA Your vacation days are your own. This is another example of employers not only not giving their employees the bare minimum but enabling a toxic culture in which employees are encouraged to sacrifice what little they get for that bare minimum. And why are these donations made public?– SleuthingSloth009
- I’m a government employee but when my dad died, they told me not to worry about anything and come back when I was ready. I was out for five weeks. The last 2 weeks they secretly let me work from home (we aren’t allowed to anymore) as much or as little or at any time I wanted. My coworkers picked up all my work for me and ran with it. When an employer wants to treat their employees like humans, they can do it. — basilobs
- Your coworkers are also the AH. This is not your responsibility and you’re entitled to free time as anyone else. Just because you’re childfree (at least at the moment), doesn’t make you less than. — jujoking
Our take on it
Health care in the U.S. is SO messed up; this is just a small example of it. Of course the original poster (OP) was NTA. That the company would ask people to “donate” their limited PTO for something as common as maternity leave is preposterous. So they are indeed A-holes. The co-workers are equally A-holes for trying to pressure the OP to give up her PTO, simply because she doesn’t have kids. ESPECIALLY when she didn’t even know the woman!
What do you think?
Want to comment on this post? Great! Read this first to help ensure it gets approved.
Want to sponsor a post, write something for Your Mileage May Vary, or put ads on our site? Click here for more info.
Like this post? Please share it! We have plenty more just like it and would love it if you decided to hang around and sign up to get emailed notifications of when we post.
Whether you’ve read our articles before or this is the first time you’re stopping by, we’re really glad you’re here and hope you come back to visit again!
This post first appeared on Your Mileage May Vary
14 comments
I think it makes no sense that someone will be paid for not working. Maternity and paternity leave policies don’t make sense. Why should a company that’s trying to stay in business pay wages to people who will be gone for 6 months or more. If maternity leave benefits accrue after 10 years of work, it might make sense if there is a guarantee the woman will return to work at the company for a contracted amount of time. People working at a company for a year, taking paid maternity leave, and quitting in 2 years and taking another job are basically robbing the company.
The issue should not be about paid maternity leave. It should be about non paid maternity or paternity leave as that’s reasonable to not fire someone for being away for an extended period for the reason of pregnancy.
All the people talking about paid maternity leave in other countries have half the income. The median household income in Germany/France is €31000 vs $62,000 in the U.S. Taxpayer funded college and paid maternity leave is not all rainbows. It has a €30000 cost in less median wages per year for 40 years.
The U.S. already has non-paid maternity/paternity leave. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides certain employees with up to 12 weeks of unpaid, job-protected leave per year. It also requires that their group health benefits be maintained during the leave. Employees are eligible for leave if they have worked for their employer at least 12 months, at least 1,250 hours over the past 12 months, and work at a location where the company employs 50 or more employees within 75 miles.
And if other countries in the developed world, including Germany and France, can offer paid maternity leave for X amount of time and Y percentage of their salary, there’s no reason why a company in the U.S. can’t.
But beyond all of this, you missed the point – asking someone else, who gets a minimal amount of vacation time to begin with, to “donate” her time. And co-workers treating her badly because she didn’t want to give it up.
“People working at a company for a year, taking paid maternity leave, and quitting in 2 years and taking another job are basically robbing the company.”
Don’t treat your workers as crap and they don’t do that.
In many countries, the maternity/paternity leave is publicly financed. I’m amazing that US conservatives are not embracing paid family leave. They complain about declining birthrates, but are opposed to things like maternity and paternity leave that make it easier for families to have children.
Your post reminds me of that Will Rogers quote: There are three kinds of lies. Lies, damn lies and statistics. You have absolutely no basis to claim that paid leave and college subsidies are responsible for differences in income levels (the US spends a great deal of public money on higher education, by the way). By your same logic, I can claim that not having paid family leave is actually reducing American incomes. Connecticut, for instance, which has paid family leave has a median household income of $79,860 in 2022 vs. your number of $62,000 for the US as a whole (and most of the US doesn’t have government paid leave). But, of course, that’s a simplistic and unrealistic comparison. Just as simplistic and unrealistic as your comparisons.
This is the problem with employers that combine sick and vacation into a single bank of PTO days. I’m always happy to donate sick days, but if I could use them for vacation I probably wouldn’t.
My vacation/leave/PTO days (whatever you want to call them) are MINE. Anyone asking me to “donate” them to my coworkers will be swiftly told to go have relations with themselves. Along with some other things I can’t think of a polite euphemism for.
Would NOT want to work at that company. Making donations public and allowing co-workers to pressure those who choose not to? That’s messed up.
No one should ever be solicited to donate their PTO, or any other benefits. Corporate America needs to be more aware of work, life, and balance needs.
And the worst of those who make the laws (or eliminate them) in the godforsaken USA scratch their heads wondering why the birth rate among some ethnicities is perilously low. It’s the exact same reason why Japan is in the situation of a rapidly aging population….when one gives 100% of one’s life to one’s work, one has ZERO left for living.
Can’t believe an employer would even ask this. What’s next…If the child becomes ill everyone kick in for it’s medical.
They shouldn’t. The employer has the power to give as many days off they want.
This has nothing to do with maternity leave. People get leave under the FMLA.
The pregnant person wants to take days off not related to the birth.
After the birth while not as generous as some other countries 12 weeks is more than enough time.
Actually, it had nothing to do with maternity leave, either. It’s was about co-workers being asked to donate days off to her, and being looked down upon when/if she didn’t.
How is this even legal? In California (and many other states) your PTO is part of your compensation. You can’t just give a coworker part of your salary!
Also, this story was definitely not from California (or similar states with similar benefits). While it isn’t enough, there is 6 weeks paid leave (8 if you have a C-section, I believe) through short term disability insurance that everyone in the state pays into. (SDI – state disability insurance).