Well, if this isn’t the stuff marriage counseling is made out of, I don’t know what is.

Imagine, if you will, a married couple at the airport. He’s 47 (he never gave himself a pseudonym. Let’s call him “Mike”), his wife, “Meg,” is 43 and they’re on their way to visit their daughter, “Jess” (21), who’s a junior in college. Their flight had a layover and while they’re waiting to board the second flight, Meg goes to get a coffee. By the time boarding starts, Meg’s still on the Starbucks line. Mike waits for as long as he can, and decides to get on the plane without her. By the time she’s got her coffee and back to the gate, they’ve already removed the boarding ramp.

And that’s the Reader’s Digest Condensed Version. The actual story is much longer. It was posted on the “AITA” section of Reddit.

Reddit is an American social news aggregator, web content rating, and discussion website. It was established in 2005. It’s a huge community, with over 430 million monthly active members. Registered members can submit content to the site, including links, text posts, and images, which other members then vote up or down.

Reddit has over 100,000 active communities, one of which is called AITA. The initials represent the term, “Am I The A-Hole.” The community is defined as, “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you’re right, or you’re the a-hole.” It’s kind of like a “jury of your peers” sort of thing.

We’ve mentioned other situations from AITA in the past that had “family” themes:

• He upgraded to ANA business class & left his wife in economy
• Woman blasted for flying with her toddler in first class
• He invited his mom on a family trip & didn’t tell his wife
• Husband hid step-kid’s passport so wife cancelled vacation
• Mom ends vacation 24 hours in because her kids were brats

This one takes the cake though. Here’s “Mike’s” whole story (story and replies are only edited for clarity and adult language), as written by the username he used for this one post, anguy1284.

Am I the a**hole boarding the plane and leaving without my wife?

(Sorry ahead of time for the length of this one, but there is a lot of key details I think are important) I know how this sounds, but hear me out. This is also not my usual account but I don’t want to risk my wife seeing this, as it is currently a sensitive subject.

My wife (female 43) and I (Male 47) have a daughter (Female 21) who goes to college out of state. We will call my wife Meg and my daughter Jess.

Jess is in her Junior year of college. Over the summer she was employed by her university and was able to stay in the dorms. After summer she was moving out of the dorms and into her own apartment off campus.

Meg and I live in the PNW (Jess goes to school on the east coast). We usually go to visit Jess a couple times throughout the semester, typically parents weekend and move out day. She also comes home during the holidays.

Let me start by saying that traveling with my wife is not a great experience. I am very type A, I like to have everything organized and make sure that we get where we need to be early, especially when traveling. My wife is the opposite, very “go with the flow” and “we will get there when we get there”. I do my best to meet in the middle, but not when traveling by plane.

Last year, during parents weekend Meg and I were going to fly out to see Jess. Our flight was at 10am. Our airport isn’t huge, but not a tiny airport either. I told my wife that we needed to be at the airport 90 minutes early, and we live about 30 minutes for the airports. This being said I wanted to leave at the very latest by 8, since we would also need to park and walk a little bit.

I of course got up at 6, to make sure everything was ready and accounted for. My wife does not like to get up early. It took me attempting to wake her up 5 times before she eventually got up at 740 then wanted to make coffee, shower, and eat a bowl of cereal … let’s just say that we didn’t leave the house until 9. It ended up being busier at the airport than normal (likely due to many colleges having parents weekend) and it took so long to get through security that we missed our flight.

Rightly so, the airline refused to refund our ticket. We were able to get new tickets but not until the next day and missed Friday afternoon and Saturday morning with our daughter. Jess was disappointed to say the least.

Fast forward to now. We were flying down for a long weekend to help her move. We take one flight from our town to a bigger town nearby, then fly from there to my daughters college town.

Again it was a long morning of me pushing my wife getting her to move along. Due to the last airport mishap I wanted to make sure I told her we needed to leave extra early as to not miss the flight again.

We got there on time, with a bit of time to spare, and my wife was annoyed. Kept going on about how now we just have to sit and wait for 45 minutes for them to start boarding.

We took our first flight and landed in the connecting city, at a much larger airport. We only had about 1 hour layover. We got off the plane at 915 and our next plane started boarding at 940. We had to take multiple rails to get from where we landed to our terminal. We got to our terminal and had about 15 minutes until our plane was set to board.

My wife tells me that she wants to get coffee. There was a little market next to our terminal that sold hot food and coffee. I asked if she wanted me to go grab it for her. “No I want Starbucks” she said. Well Starbucks was a rail ride away, and a little bit of a walk. I told her we couldn’t do that, we didn’t have enough time. She stated that we had enough time and if I wouldn’t go with her she would go by herself. I tried to discourage her but she was determined. She walked away, at a brisk pace for her, and said she would be back in time.

15 minutes went by and she was no where to be seen. The started calling boarding groups, I called my wife hoping she was near by, she didn’t answer. They called a few groups, then called ours. In a panic I called my wife again, 3 times, finally on the last call she answered and said she was on her way, it was a long line and she had to wait a bit. I told her they were almost done with boarding and she needed to hurry up.

I waited by the gate but the attendant said they would need to shut the gate in 2 minutes. I waited and waited, but she didn’t show up. The attendant asked if I wanted to board, otherwise she was closing the gate. I tried to plead with her to wait a couple of minutes but she insisted that she couldn’t. So, I boarded the plane.

A few minutes later my wife calls me saying the the attendant won’t let her on, they had already removed the boarding ramp at that point. She told me I needed to tell them to let me off the plane to be with her and I said no. It is not fair to do this again to Jess, I said I told you we didn’t have time but you decided to go anyways. I told her to go purchase a new ticket for the next flight and I would see her when she arrives.

She got to Jess’s school and seemed unbothered by the whole situation, didn’t even really talk about it. I thought maybe she realized it was her fault and just wanted to drop it.

Boy was I wrong. We are now home and she hasn’t talked to me since the trip, over a week ago, and is insisting that I am an a-hole. So, am I the a-hole?

So yeah…that’s a whole lot to swallow. Anyway, Mike had about 7.8 thousand replies in the first 6 days his AITA post was up. Here were some of the more interesting responses:

• I stopped being the caretaker for my partner after the first time we missed a flight. Told him nope never again. Next two flights he missed and man he b**ched. Explained again he’s a d**n adult and has choices to make. The third time he missed a 10 day cruise. He’s never been late again. He’s p***ed about it but listens to me and gets up and ready and out the door on time. Ohh and NTA. — Over-Marionberry-686
• (In response to above) Caretaker being the critical word here. We should never have to be the caretaker of our fully functioning adult partners (or children). Love that you set and held that boundary. — jbrainfall
• She f**ked around and found out. She should be amazed you didn’t do this 20 years ago. NTA. — Proof-Emergency-5441
• I have a friend who planned a trip to Spain with her husband for a year.
  She took care of everything. All he had to do was make sure his passport wasn’t expired.
  The night before they left, he finally checks his passport. Expired.
  His daughter got a surprise 10-day trip to Spain.
  His wife said she got home and the suitcase she packed for him had been pushed to her side of the bed. — FatyTheNunchuck
• (In response to above) That’s not a husband that’s a child. She had to pack for him and he didn’t unpack the bag as some sort of lame passive aggressive take? Gtfoh 🙄. — IMO4444
• (Also in response to above) there are quite a few relationships like this I think. However in many I see a give and take; one is the person who ALWAYS has to plan and pack everything, but the other is the one who takes care of other tasks in some way or who deals with other emergencies. Without that KIND of agreement (give and take depending on circumstance) then it’s just playing daddy or mommy to a helpless fool/spoiled brat. — Boopy7
• “I don’t want my wife to see this”
  Pretty sure this is a very distinct story that doesn’t happen to many people.
  To OPs wife, reddit hates you. — murlin1970
• My husband would rather have coffee and play on his phone at the airport instead of watching me freak out because we might be late (there could be traffic and monsoons and alien attacks). — Designer-Escaped6264 (Note from Sharon: I did not write this but I may as well have, because this is Joe and I in a nutshell LOLOL)
• NTA. Your wife is, though! Wow. I would tell her either she travels with you on your timetable or she can meet you there. My husband is awful with time. I add at least 30 minutes to any trip as a buffer. I badger him to be ready. As bad as he is, he has never missed a flight. She owes you an apology. — Interesting-Long-534
• Nope. 1 time is an accident, multiple times is on purpose or at the very least, no regard for the feelings and time of those around her — Nielleluvzu628
• What is their daughter thinking? I’d be upset if my mother did this to me. And twice no less. — Junkstar
• (In response to above): Well clearly the mother is more important than the daughter. /s
  Daughter, I’m sure is taking note that 1) she is not a priority to her mother (Starbucks is), and 2) Her mother can’t be depended on. — WannaPlay2505
• (Also in response to above) And the sad part is that she WOULD have made the flight if she’d used an atom of common sense and realized that Starbucks was not a viable option in that place, at that time.
  I love me some coffee, but when I’m this-close ][ to having to board the airplane, I know it’s time to put off my caffeine fix until the flight attendants are bringing the beverage cart around. — Either_Coconut
• OP needs to set boundaries, but not to “teach” his wife anything. He’s not her father, he’s her equal. If she hasn’t learned this lesson in 40+ years, she likely will not learn it now.
  He needs to set boundaries for himself. If she changes her behavior as a result, that’s fantastic. If she doesn’t, that’s fine too. Either way, he’s getting where he needs to be on time. — EvolutionCocktail
• NTA, she TA. Also, what good would it do for you to ask to deboard? The whole flight would be delayed and you could get into some sort of trouble even. — BobTheInept
• (In response to above) Am pilot. The captain would just say no. A gate return requires all the paperwork to be redone, a new clearance issued, an amended flight plan most likely, weight and balance, bags and passenger count. Omg it’s with a passenger count change xD. We’re not f**kin doing that. We’re leaving. — CaptainReginaldLong
• Just FYI for OP: the silent treatment is classed as a form of abuse. People who give the silent treatment are essentially trying to force you to give in to their demands by being unreasonable. In this case, your wife was 100% in the wrong, but rather than admit to her failings, she is trying to make you admit that this situation was somehow your fault. This kind of behavior (the constantly being late and then trying to blame your partner for it) would be relationship ending for me. Clearly you have put up with this for a long time, so I’m guessing it’s not a deal breaker for you, but I would strongly recommend that it’s time to set some boundaries. I’m guessing flights aren’t the only thing your wife has caused you to miss. So stop missing things. Leave without her. And don’t apologize! — caffeinefree
• Chronic lateness played a major role in my divorce. I am by no means a type A. However I hate being late. It’s rude, disrespectful and you miss out in important moments in life. Nothing says “I am more important that everyone else” like being late all the time. I started leaving without my ex forcing him to take a separate car. I left on time whether he was ready or not. Actually I’m going to make a whole post about this topic but NTA — Moonbat-lives

It was at this time that Mike wrote an update/edit to his original post. He said:

UPDATE:

Wow, I know a lot of people say this but I really didn’t think this would get as big as it did. Thanks everyone for the responses. I have been trying to read them in batches when I have time, because I have been getting some good suggestions. I wanted to answer a couple questions I saw as well as add a bit of extra info.

For those who are outside of USA, PNW is Pacific Northwest.

As far as how she acts in other situations, she generally doesn’t have any issues. She is never one to be late to work or anything like that, or just seems like travel is her poor area. I never noticed things like this until we started traveling often to see our daughter. This is why I never considered ADD/ADHD, she really shows no other signs of this.

I saw posts implying that my wife might have an addiction of some sort, I’m not sure how that would line up but I don’t see that being a possibility

I didn’t think the following information was important, but my daughter made a comment, and so did a friend that I discussed this with, so I thought maybe I would mention it here.

Jess is not Meg’s daughter. I was married one before and my wife unfortunately passed away due to complications during Jess’s birth. I remarried Meg when my daughter was 6. My daughter made a comment that Meg doesn’t like want to come to see/help her and that is why she is always running late, but I have offered to go alone and Meg was always very against that idea so I wouldn’t think that is the case.

A couple of comments later, he wrote an update to the update:

And with that newfound knowledge, the comments continued:

• Meg doesn’t just not want to go, she doesn’t want YOU to go. Shes doing everything in her power to manipulate you to see Jess less. She’s putting you in a situation where you have to choose time with your daughter or being a loyal partner to her (loyal as in you miss this flight, I’ll stay with you) and she’s doing it in a way that LOOKS like she doesn’t hate your daughter. And now she’s pissed because you chose your daughter over her and she’s just realizing she isn’t winning the favorite contest between her and Jess.– Aggravating-Major248
• The fact that your daughter noticed should be enough reason for you. I wouldn’t trust meg with you daughter. Make sure you leave everything to your daughter in your will, because if your wife acts this crazy when it comes to your daughter I’d never trust her not completely writing her out of the will after you pass away.
  Listen to your daughter. — ConsumedNiceness
• (In reply to above) This, this, this, this. If I could reach through the internet and grab you by the shoulders I would, make sure your daughter is protected in the case of your death. My step dad is an estate planning attorney and I cannot tell you how common it is for the new wife to attempt to fully remove the prior children, especially daughters, from the husbands will. Please take care of you daughter, listen to her first, and your wife second. Your union with your wife is a choice, it can be temporary even, but your daughter will always be your daughter. – cadmiumore
• Yeah buddy you’re missing something. Meg is so furious because she tried to sabatoge your visit to see your daughter – again – and by not allowing her to do so she sees it as you “choosing” your daughter over her. Do you understand how f**ked up that is? — icecreampeen
• Ding ding ding ding:
  Jess is not Meg’s daughter
  Meg has no interest in traveling to see YOUR daughter…no matter how many years she raised/helped you raise Jess.
  She thought Jess at college meant more time for her. — Ok_Shelter_6478
• You aren’t an a-hole but you are an idiot haha and I say that with love. It’s viciously obvious that she is jealous of your daughter/has some sort of resentment towards her. ESPECIALLY since you just said that there have been “she’s your daughter” type moments over the years.
  Perhaps you don’t understand women dynamics, but they’re not like guys lol they think of things you don’t think about, I have two sisters and whenever I ask them about women stuff they tell me things I would never think of. You obviously didn’t see the resentment cuz she was good at hiding it.
  But anyway, yeah her not being her daughter should have been in the first paragraph cuz it paints a different picture. If it were her child, I just know my mom would travel across the world for us lol and your wife can’t even get up early for once? See how that makes it different? — considerseabass
• You were never the asshole until this comment. This context changes everything. Your wife isn’t chronically late, she’s only late when visiting your daughter. This is personal and intentional on her part. She’s definitely an a-hole but you’ve been an enabler and your daughter has seen you take your wife’s word over hers.
  Listen to your daughter. Make this up to her. As for your wife… you need to seriously look back over your relationship with her with new eyes thanks to what you’ve learned here. Read about abusive tactics because I’m pretty sure some bells will go off. Good luck. — adOK9911

Our thoughts

Anyway, I agree with what people were saying after his second update. If:

• Meg always made comments that Jess was “Mike’s kid”
• Was looking forward to having an “empty nest” (read: “just the 2 of them”)
• Jess always thought that Meg was jealous of her
• and Meg is ONLY late when it’s time to visit Jess

then yes, it sounds like Meg is doing everything in her power to miss the flights, so she can have Mike to herself, without Jess in the way. Even if it meant they’d still go, but a day or a day and a half late. It has nothing to do with “time management.” It has to do with her trying to manipulate the situation, by being late, so they miss their plane. And when she didn’t get her way this time, and he left without her, she extended her abuse to giving him the silent treatment.

Meg’s the A-hole. And Mike needs to learn more about women ;-). And they definitely need couples’ therapy.

And that’s my input as an armchair psychologist ;-).

Oh! There was one more update from Mike:

Welp, hopefully there will be a happy ending. Or at least happier.

What do you think?

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