Imagine for a moment that you have a bunch of frequent flyer miles with a particular airline. And status, too. Maybe you fly with them a lot. Maybe you churn through credit cards and have a nice stash of miles in your SkyMiles, MileagePlus or AAdvantage account.
For a lot of you reading this, I bet it’s not even difficult to imagine because you ARE that person who has Delta, United and/or American frequent flyer miles up the ying yang. Good for you!
Now imagine that your job needed you and your boss to fly somewhere for something work-related. Work paid for the 2 economy tickets, and you and your boss aren’t even sitting next to each other. It’s on the airline where you have beaucoup miles, so you decided to upgrade to first class on the flight home. May as well be comfortable, right?
So was your boss the jerk…or were you?
This is the exact situation that happened to someone on Reddit’s AITA forum. AITA, stands for “Am I The A-Hole.” They describe the community as, “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you’re right, or you’re the a-hole.” It’s sort of like a jury of their peers kind of thing.
About a year ago, a Redditor who goes by the handle u/scootindog asked the following question in the subreddit (link is included – heads up that there may be NSFW, adult language on the page):
AITA for not giving my boss my first class seat?
Yesterday, my boss and I were flying home from a conference. We were on the same flight, but our original seats were not next to each other. I’m a frequent traveller on this airline and use their credit card, so I often get free upgrades to first class. I got upgraded on this flight and my boss did not.
After the flight, when we were collecting our bags she said she wanted to talk to me about my “lack of respect for protocol”. She thinks that because the company paid for my original ticket, and she is more senior than me, I should’ve given her the first class seat.
I think this is absolutely insane. While the company paid for my seat, it’s my own personal credit card spending, and frequent travel that earned me the upgraded seat.
Is this some sort of corporate standard I’m not aware of? AITA?
She also added a follow-up comment:
I might be the a-hole because I didn’t give someone more senior than me my free first class upgrade. Her response indicated that this is expected behavior, but I don’t think so.
My gut reaction was, “What the HELL???” They’re HER points; SHE earned them, not work. Seniority has nothing to do with it.
Turns out I wasn’t alone ;-). She had over 800 replies and I can’t find one that suggests she was the A-hole. Here are some of the better responses, edited only for adult language and occasionally clarity or brevity:
- NTA. If you want to cya going forward you can always email HR and ask “X happened while on this trip and Manager Y advised that I should have done Z. Can you point me to where I can review the protocols so I know going forward?” It documents the incident without being accusatory and lets you be able to cite chapter and verse if there’s a next time. — gilded_lady
(Note: OP (original poster) replied to this with: This is a really helpful suggestion. Thank you! She has retaliated against other employees who have raised concerns about her attitude with HR before, so this tact feels a little more comfortable to me than an outright complaint.) - obvious NTA. Is your boss 5? What f**king protocol says you have to give gifts to your boss??– idontcare8587
- NTA. I’ve been in this exact situation (I was upgraded, boss wasn’t). It never even occurred to me to offer him my seat and neither did he seem to expect it. — madelinegumbo
- NTA and I am an HR manager. No employee is entitled to another employees personal rewards. I had a general manager who traveled a lot of his job, he used his personal credit card to pay for rooms. He always used the same hotel and amassed huge awards. Those are his to keep and use. He was reimbursed for the rooms by our company but he booked and paid for them originally. The company paid for the original ticket but the upgrade was a personal reward. Not a company reward. I would definitely email HR and ask what the proper protocol is. If she comes to you later, make sure you tell HR she is creating a hostile work environment. You need to get ahead of this ASAP.– harleymomma45325
(Note: OP replied to this with: Thank you!! This is my first corporate gig, so I have no idea what is valid to talk to HR about, if it’s not like…overt sexual harassment or something like that.) - NTA. Your boss is, though. Entitlement is the scourge of the current era, unfortunately. And those that feel entitled often really aren’t. You earned 1st class. Not your boss. — imitation_lemon
More than one person mentioned that even if OP HAD tried to give the boss the upgrade, the airline wouldn’t let it, since upgrades aren’t transferrable. If OP had given up the upgrade to stay in economy, the seat would go to the next person on the airline’s upgrade list.
An update!
Anyway, OP updated her post a few weeks later:
UPDATE: AITA for not giving my boss my first class seat?
Thanks to the many many of you kind Redditors who made me realize 1) I was NTA in this situation and 2) I was in a very toxic work situation.
I took the advice many of you gave me and “clarified the policy” with HR. The company, of course, did not have this policy. I also took your advice to get out of that job quickly and am happy to say I’m starting a new job in 3 weeks!
I know the person who will be my supervisor in my new job and she is a very kind, normal person.
Pretty nervous to give my notice to the toxic boss on Monday, but oh well, if she’s nasty then my 2 weeks notice will just become an immediate resignation. We live in a one-party consent for recording state and plan to record the phone conversation to protect myself.
Thanks to all of you for giving me the push to move on!
A few more updates from the original poster
On telling everyone on Reddit that she was going to quit, instead of waiting until she had put in her notice:
I should’ve waited but was honestly so excited about the new job that I needed to shout it from the anonymous rooftops. I will let everyone know how it goes on Monday. She’s on vacation until then so I’m attempting to do the classy thing and wait until she’s back to resign
After the boss came back from vacation:
Hey there! I haven’t updated because it was totally unexciting lol. I resigned over the phone, she seemed surprised and asked a lot of questions about why, and that was that. I kept it very short because I knew any detail I gave would just be an argument. Told her I needed to try something new and wasn’t sure the company was the right fit.
As far I know, there are no other updates after that. But it sounds as if she had a happy ending.
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