100 of The Most Stupid Questions Ever Asked of Travel Agents

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Some travelers like to use a “do it yourself” approach and book all their travel on their own. Others prefer to use a travel agent (TA). Either method is fine, and whichever works better for you, go for it.

Should you decide to use a travel agent though, you may want to avoid asking questions such as these… 😉

1. Will there be noisy guests at the hotel?
2. Can you make sure I don’t get a window seat on the plane because I just had my hair done?
3. Do they have different money in other countries?
4. I was looking online at the picture of our room. I hate the curtains. I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep in that room with those curtains. Can you cancel the whole trip?
5. Can you guarantee that no pet has ever been in the hotel room?
6. What address do I put on my luggage tags?
7. Is it windy on the beach?
8. This will be our family’s first cruise and we have several cabins on different decks; do all of the decks go to the same ports of call?
9. Do they speak English in Britain?
10. Are there toll roads on the way to Hawaii?
11. I’d love a train trip to Africa…No, I mean I want a train trip from New York to Cape Town.
12. What time does the sun come up in Australia?
13. Can you book two rooms in different parts of the resort – one for me and my wife, and the other for my girlfriend?
14. Can you please plan a honeymoon for me, my bride, and my mother?
15. What language do they speak in Spain?
16. I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was in Kings Cross. Can you help?
17. Is our relationship like a client/lawyer relationship?
18. Can I fish off the cruise ship?
19. Can you give me a list of all the ATMs in Paris?
20. Don’t tell my fiancé this is where I took my first wife for our honeymoon.
21. Can we pet the lions on an African safari?
22. Are there supermarkets in Sydney and do they have milk all year round?
23. Could you provide me a list of any brothels on the Gold coast?
24. Does the crew on the cruise ship sleep on board?
25. I’d like to get married in the Caribbean on an island where the marriage is not legal in the U.S.
26. Is there a walking tour on the cruise?
27. Will there be shadows on my face at 4 p.m. when the pictures are taken?
28. Do you have any resorts with a pool?
29. Will you watch my pet while I’m away?
30. Can you get me tickets for the Piccadilly Circus?
31. Who performs in Piccadilly Circus?
32. I’d like to visit Scotland and Denmark on the same trip. (Agent explains they don’t have enough time to travel the distance.) But they’re only an inch apart on the map!
33. Can I carry weapons on the plane?
34. Can I wear high heels in Australia?
35. Do we need to be twins to have Twin bedding?
36. Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?
37. Has this cruise ship ever sunk?
38. Can you arrange for the whales to jump in the background while I’m proposing to my girlfriend?
39. I wish we could go to Hawaii but we don’t have a passport (said a U.S. citizen)
40. Does the time difference mean we’ll get there faster?
41. Is Paris near France?
42. What would happen if I flushed a ship toilet while still sitting on it?
43. Can you ask the airline to block the seat next to me so I can stretch out?
44. Can I get a refund if it rains?
45. What time does the midnight buffet start on the cruise?
46. Is food included in an all-inclusive?
47. Does “ocean-view” mean I’ll have a view of the ocean?
48. Can I catch a train from Fiji to New Zealand?
49. A crab stole my toothbrush. How do I get a refund for my entire holiday?
50. How is it possible that my flight leaves Sydney at 10am and arrives in Vancouver at 10am on the same day?
51. Is Wales closed during the winter?
52. Where can I buy crocodile repellent?
53. Are there kids at the adult-only resort?
54. Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population?
55. Do I have to use my real name to buy the ticket?
56. Will I get wet if I wear a wet suit in the water?
57. I want to take a cruise to Las Vegas.
58. If I cancel my holiday, can I still go?
59. How far do planes go?
60. Will the snow be cold at that winter ski resort?
61. Will I be able to see kangaroos on the streets in Australia?
62. How do the Hawaiian islands stay so close together without floating apart?
63. Can I see the state lines when I’m flying over them? I want a window seat so I can see the borders like the map…
64. How do planes fly at night when it’s so dark?
65. Who feeds the Loch Ness Monster?
66. Do they do outside cabins that are under the sea, so I can see under the ocean?
67. What time does the three o’clock ferry leave?
68. How much of the caves at Carlsbad Caverns are underground?
69. Am I speaking to a live agent?
70. Which direction is north in Australia?
71. I don’t want to go anywhere where there’s topless sunbathing. My husband will spend the whole vacation looking at other women.
72. How long does it take to get to Indonesia, from anywhere?
73. Which bus will I have to take to get from the Orkney Islands to the Shetland Islands?
74. Do you ride down the mountain on mountain biking?
75. Do I have to bring my own bedding?
76. Is Edinburgh in Glasgow?
77. How fast will the ice cubes in my drink melt on the other side of the equator?
78. Does the ship have lifeboats?
79. Can we drive our rental car in Hawaii out of state? We want to go to Alaska. After all, they are the 49th and 50th states on the map… so there must be a bridge, right?
80. Are there icebergs in the Caribbean?
81. Can you watch my groceries while I do some more shopping in the mall?
82. Can I take my cats on the cruise ship?
83. How many pairs of socks should I pack?
84. If I fly business class can I choose what time I fly?
85. Are there sharks in that ocean?
86. Does the sun set there?
87. When I get to Hawaii, where do I convert my money? (asked a U.S. citizen)
88. What would the cost be for a car rental to drive to Australia?
89. How much does the bus cost to get from here to Africa?
90. Do you have cruises from Toronto to China please?
91. What time of night does the Loch Ness Monster surface?
92. Is this Tim Hortons?
93. TA: ‘You will need a Visa to travel to China.’ Customer: ‘But I only have a Mastercard?’
94. Is it safe to drink the bathwater in Mexico?
95. Can you guarantee the weather?
96. Why did they build so many ruined castles and abbeys in England?
97. Can you book me on a plane that doesn’t go through turbulence?
98. What is the safest seat on a plane if it crashes?
99. If I don’t pay for a seat reservation on my flight will I have to stand?
100. Are there are undiscovered ruins at Mesa Verde National Park?

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