My husband and I 30s haven’t been on a trip (out of coutry) for years. while he goes every year with his best friend. his reasons for going with him is because they both go to attend sporting events.

This year, my husband told me I could go with him and his friend since they were visiting a new destination. He paid for my ticket and everything else since I’m a sahm [Note from Sharon: Stay At Home Mom] and have no job. the kids were left with my mom.

However. When I found out that he had booked 1st class for himself and his friend while I got economy. I just couldn’t hold my tongue. I confronted him about it and he at first refused to discuss then when the argument got heated he yelled “I PAID FOR YOUR TICKET FFS!!! ISN’T THAT ENOUGH???” then kept on about how I should stop acting like I was “royalty” and that if I come to think about it, even economy is fine for me since I “technically” don’t work anyway. I cried because of what he said but decided to just not go altogether. He changed his tone and started begging me to just go with what he planned but I declined. I went to pick the kids from my mom’s house and he came back 3 hrs later huffing and buffing about what happened. His friend sent me a text calling me entitled, and said this was the reason why he didn’t want my husband to take me with them and I just proved his point. I did not respond but I blocked him since he’s gotten increasingly rude over the past few months.

He (my husband) said I keep crying about being excluded and this is what happens when he finally decides to include me. amithea-hole for not settling for economy? by the way he’s perfectly capable of financing the trip.

Probably not a surprise to anyone, but it was determined the original poster was NTA. The responses seemed to go into a handful of camps (Note: all replies were left as written, with changes only for adult language):

If you’re married, your money belongs to both of you. He is disrespectful, abusive and controlling. Consider divorce:

• If you’re a SAHM then all the money he earns is SHARED FUNDS. There is no “him” paying, in fact you paid for his first class ticket as much as he paid for your economy ticket.
  The level of disrespect is astounding. Divorce him and get half plus alimony. – RaysUnderwater
• NTA. What your husband doing is a clear sign of financial abuse and verbal abuse in general. There’s a huge sign that he complains a lot to his friend behind your back. I’d recommend that you divorce him and take the kids. If his friends is his 1st priority but not his family, so be it. And especially that he views you like that since he put you in economy seat and not the 1st, he sees you as something unworthy. As I said, divorce him and you’re NTA – ElementalAlchemist03
• OP, I was once a SAHM in a financially and emotionally abusive marriage. Leave him. File immediately. File for support immediately (I didn’t, big mistake), and there are A LOT of remote jobs now. There are more and more companies who are valuing single moms. You were strong enough to leave the airport, you’re strong enough to leave this jerk.
  Also, if you can before you leave, get every single piece of financial evidence that you can. Statements, accounts, whatever. Whether or not they’re current. If you can log on to accounts online, paper mail, anything. You want as much proof as you can possibly find. Put a freeze on your credit just in case he tries to mess with your credit rating as a means to keep you from doing anything. Best of luck. – gimmetots123
• Umm, you DO work. Every day, no breaks. You care for his children, you sacrificed your place in the job market to stay at home and take care of that side. Does he hire a housekeeper to clean? Does he do it himself? Or do YOU, OP, clean? What about cooking? Laundry? Child care? Bill paying? Shopping for groceries and household goods? Does he have an army of hired help to ensure his life runs smoothly, or do you fill that role?
  If you are filling those roles, then his work IS your work. By doing those tasks, you free up his time and remove obligations from him, allowing him to specialize. His ability to do his job effectively is due in large part by his ability to not have to worry over other tasks. His success belongs in part to you. His rewards for those successes are yours as well. If you don’t share in the benefits, then why do the work? Why allow him to enjoy these positive aspects of partnership if he doesn’t allow you to share in them?
  This man has no respect, and does not deserve a partner. NTA. – kevwelch
• NTA. Your husband’s attitude is out of line. I absolutely hate it when sole providers act like this, treating their partners like lesser beings who should be grateful for every penny spent on them. As a sole provider myself, it enrages me. It costs me absolutely nothing to treat my partner like an equal. Additionally, you could always run the numbers by him (how much full-time nannies and housekeepers make), and remind him as a SAHM you damn well have a job and provide a service he should be grateful for.
  The argument isn’t about you having to ride economy, it’s the principle and what it implies. You are not worthy of first-class and you should be grateful he thought of you to begin with. What a joke. You were right to be offended and take a stand against this behavior. He needs to shape up and recognize your worth. – Your-Missing-Lighter

The husband and his friend are the “real” couple, regardless of his being married to the original poster

• Is your husband having an affair with his friend? Why is his friend so rude to you and why is friend being treated like the spouse in this situation?? Whether or not he’s having an affair he’s definitely shown you how he feels about you. Nta. – Craidy
• You intruded on their love getaway.
  RUN
  Don’t walk, RUN.
  This is a horrible, a-hole who is full of hate and mean towards you.
  Why would you have children with such a controlling vile man?
  They’re lovers honey, you got in the way. – flobaby1
• Why doesn’t your husband just marry his best friend since he’s the only one that matters to him? NTA. – bold-duck
• NTA. It sounds like your husband and his friend are more than just “friends” though. The “friend” didn’t want you invading on their personal time and your husband felt he needed to bring you at least once to keep up the charade but was still going to treat his “friend” to the best of the best. The don’t technically work is bull, being an at home mom is hard than his worst day of work ever, and this is coming from a child free person. Don’t let him be so disrespectful to you, you surely deserve better. – Careless-Lynx5842
• NTA of course. Are you going to update us on Reddit when your husband comes out as gay and leaves you to marry his “friend?” Because that’s the direction this seems to be going. – dcoleski

Give him a taste of his own medicine/see what it’s like/charge him for all the work you do

• Next dinner time, make your husband a hot dog while you make a nice dinner for yourself and the kids. Tell him “I made you dinner FFS, isn’t that enough?” Then for breakfast, feed the kids pancakes and bacon and make him a poptart. Same response. Perhaps in a few days, he’ll get the hint. Then again, based on what he said, he may be too dense to understand. You are NTA. – lonelysilverrain
• i suggest you take a weekend off leave him to take care of the kids and the house ALONE and then ask whether he still believes you dont work …. write down in details everything you do per hour and see if he can do it …. he can go to work because you do all of these tasks – Sea-Ad9057
• NTA Find out the current rates for a PA, housekeeper, 24/7 nanny, and sex-worker. Provide him an invoice for services rendered. – OK-Many4262

Our take on it

Personally, I feel pretty much the same as nearly everyone else who replied to the thread.

The husband appears to be financially, emotionally and verbally abusive – a SAHM has worth attached to being a child carer, housekeeper, cook, etc. And beyond that, unless there are agreements for something else, the fact that 2 people are married automatically makes them equal in financial and other decision making tasks.

I also question if he’s having an affair with this “friend” of his. Putting the friend before his wife? Vacationing with him every year and never inviting her? (they could go to the “sports” thing and she could go somewhere besides the sports arena, no?)  The friend acting so possessive of, and gossipy with the husband? Just seemed like the two guy “friends” were more of the couple. But that’s why our blog is called Your Mileage May Vary 😉

The only thing I don’t think would be a good idea is to give him a taste of his own medicine, see what it’s like, etc. He’s already shown what he’s like during conflict, and it’s not a good look.

What do you think?

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