Funny Tweets From People Who Hate To Fly

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Some people just hate to fly. I don’t mean the people who are afraid to and just don’t (although there are things you can do to help alleviate that). I mean the ones who fly, sometimes on a regular basis, but don’t like it, either because of fear, the uncomfortableness of the whole process, or a myriad of other possible reasons.

Some people who obviously don’t like to fly have tweeted their apprehension, anger or just “shaking their head at people,” which allows people like you and me to have a smile, chuckle or a, “Yup, I totally get what you’re saying” moment. Enjoy…

Note: Some of these tweets have very adult language that’s NSFW

Please remain seated until we've reached the gate, then feel free to stand hunched over weirdly sideways for 15 minutes while we do whatever

— Marlon Rebrando (@contriteperson) December 23, 2014

having wifi on a plane is just incredible because now i can complain about air travel WHILE IN THE MIDDLE OF IT!!! THIS PLANE DOESN’T HAVE ANY PLUGS!!!!!! I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!! TECHNOLOGY IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 8, 2018

Please stop farting in airplanes, we can’t open windows 😒

— Karabo Mokgoko🦄 (@Karabo_Mokgoko) August 24, 2018

Funny that i'm scared of flying even though I've never been in a plane crash but have been on a train that derailed & one that hit a truck

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) April 6, 2016

Someone on this plane had such strong perfume I was actually hoping for a mild disaster so the oxygen masks would drop

— Phil Lester (@AmazingPhil) May 17, 2019

My favorite part of air travel is the carefully calculated self-sedation.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 29, 2014

the whole idea of air travel needs to be started over, from scratch. Airlines treat us like shit and we all dress like pigs.

— Laurie Kilmartin (@anylaurie16) December 23, 2014

Flying next to random children is too stressful. Now I'm responsible for helping them with their oxygen masks if we lose cabin pressure?

— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) June 26, 2016

"Sir, I really don't want to get into this. I'm in the middle of listening to a podcast about murder."

And other ways to shoot down conversations with strangers on an airplane who don't understand that headphones command silence.

— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 13, 2018

Border agent, skeptically: you're driving to New Mexico
Me: I HAVE A FLYING PHOBIA & A UFO THING & THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I'LL SEE ROSWELL

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) August 16, 2016

People ask "How did you get to South Africa, London, Jamaica, etc if you're afraid of flying." Simple answer: Benadryl

— Diamond Sharp (@diamonde) September 16, 2013

Sometimes the best cure for a fear of flying is really bored-looking flight attendants.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) August 25, 2017

*airplane makes really loud noise*
*pilot on intercom* what the fuck was that

— dan mentos (@DanMentos) January 16, 2015

Honestly I'd rather my flight be delayed a few hours than take my chance on a giant flying metal tube with technical difficulties

— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) August 29, 2016

IT IS NORMAL FOR THERE TO BE TURBULENCE WHEN FLYING OVER MOUNTAINS IT'S AIR POCKETS THAT DO IT I AM GOING TO BE FINE

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) April 25, 2017

If you're afraid of flying, take a cruise. If you're afraid of bad magic shows, stay in your cabin the whole time. #travelskills

— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) April 12, 2013

I'm always nervous about flying until I finally board the plane and see the people I'll be living with on the remote island after we crash.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 31, 2018

A fun thing about flying now is spending the time in air wondering what specific kind of post-apocalyptic hellscape you’ll touch down in.

— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 1, 2017

FLYING WITH A COLD IS THE WORST THERE ARE DEMONS IN MY EARS HELP CALL 911

— wikipedia brown demands #MoreThanDiversity (@eveewing) December 9, 2017

THEY say air travel is safe but THEY don't tell you about the psychic toll of having Leaving On A Jet Plane in your head for 3 days do THEY

— Scary Gillis (@living_marble) October 30, 2016

Air travel is the most miraculous thing I hate.

— maura quint (@behindyourback) March 16, 2018

dear science: make with the damn teleportation pads already. signed, I Fucking Hate Flying.

— Brokey S. Pumpkins (@brokeymcpoverty) August 29, 2012

I'm afraid of flying so I always fly Frontier because I know the plane will never leave.

— Samantha Ruddy (@samlymatters) July 26, 2013

No documentaries are ever made of the explorer's sister, Cordelia Earhart, whose fear of flying led to a quiet life as a doily-maker.

— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) December 30, 2012

 

Going away this summer to an island. A kitchen island. My kitchen island. It's perfect bc I hate flying and I'm close to my dinnerware.

— count of monte christo (@KimmyMonte) March 13, 2014

The best part of flying is the part where you cant pee or drink alcohol because you're sitting on the tarmac waiting in line

— Erin 🎃GrudgePAC🎃 Ryan (@morninggloria) August 26, 2016

Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) February 12, 2014

Amazing that, in mere decades, we’ve changed the miracle of air travel from an incredible adventure to the equivalent of going to the DMV.

— maura quint (@behindyourback) October 20, 2017

I saw a lady go into the bathroom with no shoes on. AN AIRPLANE BATHROOM.

I bet she’s patient zero.

— 🎃 Imani Gandy Corn 🎃 (@AngryBlackLady) May 8, 2018

When I mention my phobia of flying, someone is always like BUT DID YOU KNOW THAT PLANES ARE SAFER THAN CARS.

No shit, I've never heard that

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) March 22, 2014

There are two kinds of people: people who stand up and try to force their way into the airplane aisle after the plane has landed but before they’re letting anybody off, and people who are not at the top of my list if The Purge ever happens

— Erin 🎃GrudgePAC🎃 Ryan (@morninggloria) August 12, 2018

My flight seatmate asked me where I am flying to. Always good to compare answers on these things.

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 18, 2016

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This post first appeared on Your Mileage May Vary