He Invited His Mom On A Family Trip & Didn’t Tell His Wife

by SharonKurheg

Well, this story is…interesting.

Reddit is an American social news aggregator, web content rating, and discussion website established in 2005. It’s a huge community with over 430 million monthly active members. Registered members can submit content to the site, including links, text posts, and images, which other members then vote up or down.

Reddit has over 100,000 active communities, one of which is called AITA. The initials represent the term “Am I The A-Hole.” The community is defined as “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you’re right or the a-hole.” It’s kind of like a “jury of your peers” sort of thing.

We’ve mentioned other situations from AITA in the past:

I perused older posts on Reddit last night and saw a question on AITA that was admittedly 2 years old but was just as interesting today as it was when it was initially posted. The situation is…well, I don’t think I even have the adjective for it, but it’s bad enough that I’m going to give a trigger warning.

Here it is (here’s the link to the original post. Heads up that it has adult language):

AITA for walking out of the Airport when I saw my husband’s mom standing there with her luggage?

I F30 don’t have the best relationship with my husband’s mom. Since day one she tried to make remarks and compare me to her ??. She then tried to get on my good side and started overly praising everything I do and sometimes even copying me like that one time when she LITERALLY dyied her hair purple just like mine and when everyone pointed out how ridiculous she looked, she actually blamed me and accused me of trying to make a joke out of her.

So, Anyways! My husband and I took 2 weeks off work to go visit some places out of the country – tourism in other words. Thing is I was the one who saved up for and arranged for the trip (my husband was responsible for booking the tickets). My husband’s mom wanted to come along and threw temper tantrums when I said no. She called, texted, sent people to talk to me into letting her come, even threatened to call the police and make some complaint up to get us to stay if she can’t come. My husband said we should just take her but I told him he was wrong to tell her about the trip in the first place. He gave me an ultimatim. said he wouldn’t go if she can’t come and I told him I’d gladly call his bluff which made him take his words back and say “FINE! I will tell her to stop it because we won’t take her”.

Things got quieter, suspeciously quieter. the day of the trip came and we got to the airport at 2pm. My husband was walking ahead of me and was looking left and right like he was looking for someone. I asked him but he didn’t respond. He lead me to the waiting area and first thing I saw was his mom standing there with her luggage . I froze in my spot, I felt a cold wave washing over me and I was fuming inside. She and my husband were hugging that’s when I quietly turned around and started walking towards the exit. My husband followed me while shouting at me to stop. he tried to stop me but I told him off the harshest way possible. He tried to say I was overreacting and that his mom was there “anyway” and I should let it go and not mess the trip up for us. I told him he and his mom could still go and that I was going home.

I went home and sobbed into my dog’s fur for several minutes. turned out he booked her a ticket without me knowing. an hour later he came home yelling and raging about how pathetic and spiteful I was to walk out and go home and ruin the trip last minute. I told him he caused this to happen. he said that I was being so hard on his mom it’s ridiculous. I refused to fight any more but he kept on berating me then called my family to tell them that the trip was cancelled and that it was because of me. My family said that I shouldn’t have ruined it for myself and should’ve sucked it up and done my best to enjoy.

Did I really overreact?

Y’all, 6,300 replies and I have yet to find one that suggests she was the A-hole. Here are some of the better responses (edited only for adult language and clarification):

  • IN what world are you the AH?
    You set boundaries, Quite freaking reasonable ones, and Your hopefully soon to be EX husband and his mother have stomped on them forever.
    I suggest going to a hotel, and have a lovely time alone while you consider a lawyer.
    Edited to add NTA, Good grief NTA – Simply_Toast
  • this is reeking of a unhealthy mother-son relationship NTA, BTW – trashyteal
  • I don’t wanna call the divorce card but.. divorce. You told your boundaries, you said no. She crossed it. Your husband told you he would tell her no, he lied. He tried to pin you in a corner by not saying anything and bringing her anyways and got upset you refused to be a part of his little trap?? And then to berate you?? He’s not a good man. He needs to go. – PeanutButter_Toast_
  • NTA! I actually like my fiancé’s mom and I’d be pissed if she inserted herself into a vacation like that, and if my fiancé went along with it. – arrowsnsuch
  • NTA. Choose the dog, OP. Ditch the lying, manipulative husband and his psychotic mother. I’m sorry you’re being bullied by two such horrible people, OP.
    Thank goodness for dogs. Dogs are the best ❤️🐶 – DowntownClock1632
  • He had the f**king nerve to try to tattle tell to your own parents like you’re some sort of naughty seven year old?! HELL to the entire f**k NO!
    Tell him he needs to leave and move in with his mother. He should not be your problem anymore. What a collosal waste of a person! – itsjustmo_
  • NTA. He gave you an ultimatum- no loving partner would ever put you in that position. He’s a mummy’s boy and she’s manipulative and toxic. You have every right to enjoy a holiday with your husband without them behaving like children.
    You did the right thing. The next right thing to do is leave. He doesn’t respect you. – RubyLarkspur87
  • Definitely NTA. You know that if you had sucked it up and gone with them, the entire vacation would be all about catering to his mom. Whatever SHE wanted to do. Whatever places SHE wanted to go, places SHE wanted to eat. You’d be the third wheel on your own vacation. – savethebooks
  • NTA. She threatened to CALL THE COPS on you because you wouldn’t invite her on vacation and your husband STILL thinks you should just pacify her??? What the actual f**k??
    You have a MIL problem and a husband problem. Yelling and screaming at you and trying to manipulate the family against you is abusive, s**tty behavior. That is NOT normal.
    If anything you are UNDER reacting here. – EmiliusReturns
  • Surprised Oedipus and Jocasta didn’t go enjoy their honeymoon after they got rid of you 🤮 NTA – DelsMagicFishies
  • NTA.
    How does your husband have sex with Mommy’s umbilical cord still wrapped around his neck?
    He lies to you, then gaslights you by trying to make you think that you’re the problem when you are justifiably upset. Worse, he recruits your family to gaslight you on his behalf.
    This is abuse. Abusive relationships don’t require hitting. You need to divorce Mommy’s boy. – charlotte-ent

You get the point.

I admittedly didn’t read every single response (however, I did read a whole, whole lot of them), but I did see 1 or 2 that questioned if the situation was real (It’s Reddit. People make crap up. But unfortunately, in today’s world, I could easily see something like this happening within a dysfunctional family). But other than that, no one suggested the OP (original poster) was the A-hole.

And an update

The person who wrote the above eventually wrote a follow-up post as an update. (here’s the link. Again, there’s adult language)

Hello!.

I don’t know where to begin…it’s been an absolute nightmare recently. And I feel like I was losing my sanity.

So for more details about my situation. I have to admit that my husband’s mom favors him over all his siblings. this affected his relationship with them and me as well. He’s never seen an issue with how differently his mom treats him, it bothered me and made me feel uncomfortable. The whole dynamic made me feel uncomfortable. Going Low contact has never even been an option. Like he has to see her or call her everyday.

Most of his siblings don’t talk to him and I 100% believe it’s because of his mom’s favoritism like I said. He does bare some blame for not seeing how wrong this is til this day.

In many instances I found myself making excuses for his behavior. Even in my post. I did it spontaniously and I don’t know why. But I guess it’s because of how much I love him and because I really really wanted to be able to work things this type of things out without letting them affect our marriage.

regarding what happened with the trip, He tried to have a talk with me and most of what he said came from place of blame, Blame towards me. I just couldn’t continue with this argument. I told him I needed space and that I would be going to stay with my sister for a while. He didn’t take it well, he literally got up from the couch and opened the door telling me to go right then. In that moment and seeing how he was still not even anywhere near understanding what he has done just….made things perfectly clear to me. I just had pictured years and years of my life being lived like that and I was like no…I can’t do it, Can’t take anymore of it especially when he keeps focusing on being right every time. His mom can do no wrong. I’m always the aggressive, crazy, jealous, pathetic, overreactor.

All these people’s opinions, advice and concerns were like a spark…like the wake up call I really needed. Though I wish that it didn’t get this far but what’s done is done.

Right now I’m staying with my sister (I brought my dog with me as well) He sent me his last message telling I’m the one choosing to end what we had together but I believe it’s the other way around, especially with how he keeps making his mom the victim in this situation. It’s become clear now that we keep going in circles with no end in reach and I’m just so exhausted and overwhelmed. I’m not mad at him and don’t expect him to change but…at least I’m given options to decide what’s best for me and my future even if it’s seperation and divorce.

A big thank you to those who reached out with resources that I feel very very lucky to have come across. Just wanted to give you an update since many of you asked for it.

Our take on it

Obviously, families, and especially in-laws, can have all kinds of relationships. Some are wonderful, some not so wonderful, and sometimes people wind up in situations like the poor woman above.

It sounds as if she was going to end the marriage, although she doesn’t give an update to the update (and the ID she used was only for her 2 threads).

Of course, Reddit allows anonymous posting, and hundreds of threads are 100% fake. We’ll never know if this one was fake or not. But if it was real, I hope there was a happy ending, and she could do whatever was best for her.

What do you think?

Assuming the above did happen, do you think she was an A-hole?

Feature Photo: Vic / flickr

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This post first appeared on Your Mileage May Vary

2 comments

Patrick September 23, 2024 - 8:47 am

Geez… I haven’t read something that fake in a looong time. either it’s fake or written by someone who like to be overly dramatic. ” I went home and sobbed into my dogs fur” What the heck?
Oh… and she said she has purple hair?
That’s got to be one interesting family dynamic going on there.

Reply
SharonKurheg September 23, 2024 - 10:46 am

Like I said, on Reddit, you never know…

Reply

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