Vacations can be a whole lot of fun. But if you wind up on vacation with someone who gets under your skin, all that fun can go right out the window. Case in point:
Imagine you’re a 37-year-old man who’s made plans to go on vacation in Italy with your wife (35) and 5-year-old daughter. While planning, your mother-in-law intimates she would like to go too. What he hoped would be 2 Venice hotel rooms was now one room housing a squashed 4, and the MIL, who he thought was pushy and intrusive, was getting on the man’s nerves. The last straw was when she used the man’s toothpaste.
About AITA
This happened to a Reddit user Objective-Search5603, who shared his story on the forum’s AITA subreddit not long ago.
The initials represent the term, “Am I The A-Hole.” The community is defined as, “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you’re right, or you’re the a-hole.” It’s kind of like a “jury of your peers” sort of thing and you may eventually be determined to YTA (You’re The A-Hole) or NTA (Not The A-Hole).
The story
Objective-Search5603 shared that he and his wife, had been making plans to take a vacation to Venice, Italy with their daughter. “Venice has always been my wife’s idea of a romantic city, so it’s been her dream to go there,” he wrote.
However, his mother-in-law eventually found out about the trip and said that “it was her dream to visit too.” So she was invited to join the family on their vacation.
“My wife was very supportive of this idea, but I was more reluctant,” he said.
To Objective-Search5603 “dismay,” his wife mistakenly booked 1 room of 2 queens instead of two rooms with two kings, which had been the original plan (he wanted to keep the 5-year-old in the other room, so he and his wife could have a room to themselves). That wound up causing several conflicts.
The man said that because of the way the room was set up, his mother-in-law was “constantly in my space.” He also complained that she was sharing his wife’s “expensive” personal hygiene products, such as face wash, shampoo and lotion.
He also had issues with his mother-in-law sitting on the bed that he and his wife were sharing (the mother-in-law was sleeping with the 5-year-old).
“It is very unhygienic to me and I don’t like that she was sitting on the bed that me and my wife share, as I am a very private person,” he wrote. “She also rummaged through our suitcase looking for a hair tie, and it really irked me that she did so without asking me. I don’t like the thought of her looking through our stuff when we’re gone, so I locked it.”
However Objective-Search5603’s “final straw” was when he discovered that his mother-in-law had been using his and his wife’s toothpaste. He claimed the thought of that made him feel “ill.”
“I don’t like the thought of her putting her tooth brush close to (or even on) the toothpaste nozzle…,” he continued. “I asked [my] MIL if the only reason she came was to freeload off of me and my wife, as she didn’t pay for any of the expenses (hotel, amenities, food), only her own plane tickets. I said that I’ve asked her politely several times to stop using my wife’s stuff, especially because I share it with her and it’s very inappropriate.”
According to the Objective-Search5603, his mother-in-law relayed the incident to his wife, and she, in turn, screamed at him. At the time, he noted, he felt “very angry” because he paid for the trip “with MY OWN MONEY” (capital letters were his) and it was now “ruined.”
“I changed the date of my plane ticket and went straight home. My wife has called me several times afterwards, screaming at me and saying that our daughter is upset,” he said.
Objective-Search5603 did note that his wife had her own bank card and could pay for herself to either get home or stay in Italy. He also added that he had been ignoring his wife’s calls “to take some time for my own mental health.”
“I feel bad that our daughter was caught in the situation, but it was really not acceptable what my MIL did and I had to set some boundaries before it gets worse,” he finished.
Was he an A-hole?
The overwhelming response from this “jury of his peers” was that yes, he was an A-Hole (YTA [you’re the A-hole]). Here are some of the responses he got:
- Wow. Your wife books the wrong hotel room so your solution is to abandon her on her dream vacation, forcing her to care for your high-maintenance kindergartener on her own? Couldn’t you have booked a separate room for your MIL instead of abandoning your wife and child? YTA. — WagRE
- Some of the things OP is upset about are just wild. Sharing toothpaste gives him cooties? And MIL sitting on the bed is bad because unhygienic? Why does OP even care that MIL is sharing wife’s facewash, shampoo etc.And now he’s throwing a hissy fit because he left all the planning to his wife but she didn’t plan things the way he psychically wanted her to? Yeah buddy, YTA. — PerturbedHamster
- Put a black light to that hotel bedspread buddy. Your MIL cooties are the least of your worries. I also think you owe an apology to your MIL. Your wife’s things are her business to share or not. Also…buying your own toothpaste. BOOM! Problem solved.
You were frustrated that MIL was there on your romantic trip, and took it out on her for every little thing.
This could’ve been solved by a good conversation on what you wanted the vacay to look like: “hey can we get two adjoining rooms so your MIL and daughter can sleep in there? They will only be a door away.” — MamaCounsel
The rest of the story
After well over 1,000 replies, Objective-Search5603 offered the following follow-up:
Edit: Thank you to everyone that responded. I’m reading through each response carefully and I have realized my mistakes. I’m taking tonight to write a sincere apology and I will be calling my wife first thing in the morning tomorrow. Thank you again. I love her more than anything and I want to make amends.
Following that (no idea how much after that. Hours? Days?),he gave a final update:
FINAL UPDATE: I just called my wife to deliver my sincere apology. I am writing this with a heavy heart. She has blocked my number, and my MIL informed me that she will be looking into divorce proceedings. I have never thought about this happening, and I am at a loss of what to do. I have failed our family, as a husband and as a father. I am not angry at my wife for this decision, but I still cling to the hope that I can turn this around. I am about to lose the love of my life, over a stupid mistake that I made. I was not rational when I stormed off. She did not deserve any of my attitude. I am praying at this moment that after sometime off and after I change myself for the better, she will reconsider this divorce. I am going to contact a therapist and marriage counselling after posting this. I feel myself spiraling and I don’t want to think how I ruined my life in the span of these 48 hours.
Again, thank you to everyone that responded. I will be logging off for a while and work through my thoughts. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do next. All I know is that I have lost the love of my life, and I have no way to contact her. I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. My world has just come crashing down. I’m sorry Maria.
And then…plot twist!
Meanwhile, one of the respondents was a user named Dependent-Knee-1660. She claims she’s Objective-Search5603’s wife. Here’s what she said about the situation:
Hi, John. It’s Maria. Your wife.
Imagine my surprise when I was sent this post by a friend.
You are acting like a petulant child. Our 5 year old daughter as more sense than you. No amount of words can describe how incredibly disappointed I am with you. I made an account so I can address you here before you make up anymore bullshit about ‘apologizing’.
Oh, and the apology call that you said you were going to make? I never got it.
Thanks for ruining my dream vacation and making my mother and daughter see just how much of an ass that you are.
I see all of your replies. Starting it with a “Thank you for your response”. Well, when are you going to thank ME for all of your bullshit that I put up with on this trip?
My mother was generous enough to come along and help with our daughter, yet you continued to pester her with snide comments and petty remarks. What happened to “respect your elders?” Or can you not stop being an ass for half a second? She is absolutely furious with the way you addressed her in this post, and rightfully so.
Oh, and your other half-assed post in r/writingadvice ? Glad to see no one there was taking your bullshit either. I’m done, John. You need to seek professional help.
Also, I’m done serving this ‘family’. The only thing I’m going to serve you now are divorce papers, Mr. Solo Breadwinner. And I want full custody. I cannot let you be this kind of influence in my daughter’s life anymore.
We are going to enjoy the rest of our lovely vacation without you, and I want your bags packed by the time we get back.
“Thank you for your post, and thank you for abandoning us and your five year old daughter in Italy.”
Maria
That’s…quite a story
Of course, people can be 100% anonymous on Reddit, which means someone can tell a story that’s absolute BS and no one will ever know the truth.
Objective-Search5603 was accused of making the story up (several times) but insists it really happened.
He did write an apology in Reddit’s “Writing Advice” subreddit, but that still doesn’t mean we know for sure that it’s real or not. Or that Dependent-Knee-1660/Maria is real or not.
Our take on it
IF the story really happened, Objective-Search5603 obviously has some issues going on. With hygiene. Control. Anger management. Other stuff. That being said, watching the whole “I want a divorce” thing, out in the open on a public sector is also…weird. And very uncomfortable.
I wish them all the best. If this is all true, they’re gonna need it.
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5 comments
I hate when I plan a trip and others invite themselves. They put you in a position that you now have to deal with. Personally, I would tell them no. My plan, my trip. Secondly, his wife screwed up the trip by wanting her Mother to go AND by reserving the wrong rooms. Her Mother should have brought her own personal items, or bought her own when she got there. I would have left also. His wife and her Mother are the ones at fault here.
@Joe, just a suggestion for these kinds of posts. Could you add a link to the original? While you included their username/profile, it’s a bit cumbersome to navigate back to the original to see. Thanks!
Actually, I (Sharon) wrote this one. I’m so sorry – I usually do include a link to the original. Guess I forgot to. Here is the link, and I’ll include it in the post, as well. Again, my bad and my apologies.
@Sharon, thank you! I guess another suggestion would be to add a by-line to all your posts so we know who the writer is. 😉 :-p
LOLOL! It IS kind of hard to tell just by writing style. That’s probably because we proofread each other’s stuff…so there’s a little bit of “Joe” in my posts and a moderate amount of “Sharon” in his (I have more time to proofread than he does).
That being said, you can usually tell by topic. Joe is the points/miles/hotel/airline/credit card geek. Most posts having to do with those topics are written by him. Me, I married him for his points and miles 😉 and enjoy the fruits of his labor, but I don’t have enough interest to ever write anything about those. So if you see something that’s more funny/human interest in the realm of travel, that’s probably me. 🙂