Wear A Fitbit, Apple Or Galaxy Watch? Don’t Do This

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I’ve had Apple products, on and off (mostly on), since the mid-1980s (Apple IIe, along with a Dynax DX-15 daisy wheel printer and a 300 baud modem. Yeah, I’m old.). I was an early adopter of iPods, iPhones and iPads. But when Apple Watches became available, I held off, mainly because they’re generally big and clunky and my wrist is teeny tiny (seriously – we’re talking a 5″ circumference) and I always thought they’d be too big for my wrist.

But my most recent watch, a Timex Ironman, was kind of on the huge (for me) side. So I decided that if that big thing didn’t look like it was “too much” for my wrist, neither would an Apple Watch that was just a couple of millimeters bigger. So I finally gave in and bought one about 2 or 3 months ago.

I didn’t go all out with the brand-new $400 Series 7. The health and fitness stuff that the Series 7 offered didn’t really interest me much. Plus I could do all the travel-related stuff I could ever want (flight alerts, hotel check-ins, weather updates, world clock, navigation, etc.), with a lower-end series. So I decided to go with an SE instead. I’d consider it to be my “starter Apple Watch” until they come out with a new model with features that interest me more.

I’ve been having lots of fun with it – I have a bunch of wristbands and love the variety of faces I can pick out for it.

Besides the aesthetics, reading my text messages without taking my phone out, and talking on my watch like a secret agent is COOL. Heck, I’ve even finally embraced Apple Wallet! I’ve really been having fun as a relatively new Apple Watch owner.

Like Galaxy Watches and Fitbits, later model Apple watches have built-in fall detection. It wasn’t a feature I was particularly looking for when I picked out my SE and I’m certainly not at a point in my life where I expect to need it anywhere in the near future. But I suppose it’s good that it’s there, just in case.

Anyway, changing the topic for a moment, if you read Your Mileage May Vary on a regular basis, you know that Joe and I have Dobby, who is a 12.5-year-old toy poodle.

Dobby is cute and smart and everything a poodle should be. We love her to pieces. However, she’s still a dog and sometimes does things that dogs do. In other words, she licks herself in places that, well, if she were a human, she probably wouldn’t even be able to reach there with her tongue (unless maybe she was a contortionist) but even if she could, it’d be better if she did that in private, y’know? 😉 But we can’t tell her to go do that in private because she’s just a dog and, except for a few choice words (“hungry” and “leash” are 2 of her favorites), doesn’t understand English. So we do the next best thing…we distract her, usually by making a loud noise.

Well, the other night she was on the couch and started licking herself. I was at my computer desk, so I opened my left hand and hit the palm of my hand on the desk, really hard, to get her to stop.

The thing is, I wear my watch on my left hand. And with the sudden downward fast movement, my watch apparently thought I had fallen. So I suddenly had this alarm sound coming from my watch, along with this on the face:

Oh crap!

I hit “I’m OK.” Nothing happened, and the alarm’s still going.

OH CRAP!

So I hit it again. Again, nothing.

OH CRAP!

I hit it a third time. No change.

OH CRAP! OH CRAP! OH CRAP!

Meanwhile, this monologue was starting to go through my head: “The EMTs are going to wind up coming and they’re going to knock our door down and can you just IMAGINE the paperwork they’re gonna have to fill out? “Patient found at home, sitting in computer chair, in no apparent distress. Patient states she did not fall. She says she was trying to distract her dog from licking her lady parts by making a loud noise by slamming her hand on the desk. Patient states this, in turn, set off her Apple Watch for ‘Emergency SOS’ setting, which she couldn’t shut off before emergency services were alerted. Blood pressure 140/100, which patient states is above her baseline. Patient states our blood pressure would be high too, if we were this embarrassed. All other vitals within normal limits...” Yeah, that would be a story that would go around the EMS office for YEARSSSSS…..

Finally – FINALLY! – after hitting “I’m OK” a half dozen times, I got another option: “I did not fall.”

I clicked on that, and everything went back to normal.

So it just goes to show you – if you’re wearing an Apple Watch (or, I assume any of the other smartwatch brands that offer fall detection), don’t use the arm you’re wearing it on to make any sort of point if it involves fast, downward movements. Up to and including telling your dog to stop licking their privates. 😉

But keep using it for flight alerts, hotel check-ins, weather updates, world clock and navigation…cuz that’s COOL!

Feature Photo: Ryan Kawailani Ozawa/ flickr

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This post first appeared on Your Mileage May Vary