We’ve said in the past that people in the U.S. get the short end of the stick when it comes to getting time off. That’s probably why hacks such as “How to get 46 days off while only using 18 PTO days” are so popular.
There are some companies that occasionally ask their workers to “donate” some of their time off. I remember when I used to work in a hospital, there was someone who had to take many days off to bring a close family member to important medical appointments due to a sudden illness. With taking 2 or 3 days off per week, they ran out of PTO within a couple of months, but the family member was still going to get treatment for X amount of time. So, the hospital asked if anyone was willing to “donate” any PTO time for them. There were hundreds of us working there, and of those who were willing to donate, the person was able to get through the family emergency without days without pay.
As I mentioned, my hospital was very generous with their time off. But for people who only get very limited days off per year, their PTO is particularly sacred, which brings us to this situation.
A woman worked for a company that didn’t provide paid maternity leave. About a year or so ago, she was asked to donate a day of PTO to help a pregnant co-worker. However, the woman only got limited days off per year that were already “claimed.”
The whole story was posted on Reddit. She asked for advice and wanted to see if others felt she had acted unreasonably.
Reddit has over 100,000 active communities, one of which is called AITA. The initials represent the term, “Am I The A-Hole.” The community is defined as, “A catharsis for the frustrated moral philosopher in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that’s been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you’re right, or you’re the a-hole.” It’s kind of like a “jury of your peers” sort of thing and you may eventually be determined to YTA (You’re The A-Hole) or NTA (Not The A-Hole).
Here’s what she said:
WIBTA if I don’t donate my vacation days?
Trying to keep anon (cr*ppy boss might fire me for posting 😂)
I (24F) work as tech support in a telecom company. They don’t provide paid maternity leave but “fundraise” whenever a pregnant women needs time off. We all get 2 weeks vacation 5 sick days and 3 PTO but my pregnant coworker used up some of it already. So my boss asked everyone to “donate” and most people have given a day but I used up a week of vacation and PTO days already and I’m leaving in July to visit family and booked a full week (9 days if you count the weekends). My coworkers are pressuring me to give up my vacation days since they feel like I don’t need them being single w/o kids but I already bought my plane ticket. I also don’t really know the pregnant lady and don’t feel like my responsibility when my boss could just give her the days. WIBTA if I don’t “donate” my vacation days?
The woman’s plight garnered over 1,000 replies in a relatively short period of time, and I couldn’t find one person who didn’t agree with her. Here are some of the more interesting responses (edited only for adult language and clarity):
- Let me take a wild guess before I read the comments… You’re in the US?? — elationonceagain (Note from Sharon: Reddit is read worldwide, and respondents from outside the U.S. were nearly all besides themselves that we don’t have mandatory paid maternity leave)
- Another example of employers not giving a crap about employees. You earned those days, you deserve those days, so YOU use those days — vladtheimpale_her
- About 18 months ago a coworker’s newborn son required open heart surgery. He’d taken paternity leave and some vacation after the birth, so didn’t have a lot of PTO left. The company give him a week’s leave at full pay.
If the company really wants to, the company can find a way. – canadian_maplesugar - I’d flat out ask if boss and the business are going to match the days donated off. — DimiBlue
- They’re literally part of your compensation, it’s like taking a pay cut to ask you to donate your vacation days. Two weeks is a tiny amount of vacation to begin with. — Fl)raPo5te
- NTA, the people pressuring you are the probably the same people who have days banked up and it won’t effect their planned time off. You don’t owe anyone an explanation, your time off is approved and your flights are booked. It is not your fault the company has a crappy maternity leave policy. — highwoodyshade
- One of my husband’s bosses told him to clock in his 40 hours a week when he was going through chemo and missing 3 days of work every two weeks. That was an incredible kindness.
It’s unfair to expect the other employees to make up someone’s maternity leave time. While it’s a nice gesture to donate time, the employees shouldn’t be made to feel responsible and obligated for something that shouldn’t be their burden to bear. — ThrowRAavocado - NTA, and ignore everyone.
First it was told I should cover work because I was single, then married but no kids, then kids but my parents weren’t old and frail – it was (and still is) always something.
You didn’t make the baby and you are not financially responsible for it. Giving up paid time off is the same as giving her money. — Drive-by-poster - As a married woman with kids, it pisses me off when people treat single and childless people like they don’t deserve their time off.
The US is the only developed nation without mandatory parental leave. That’s a problem, and it’s really the big asshole here. - Even in my country, new mothers get twelve weeks of paid leave. This is Nigeria, where there’s no clean water and the government just outlawed Twitter because they deleted the president’s tweet threatening genocide against one of the three major tribes, and we still figured out paid maternity leave. — Talisa87
BUT. We don’t live to work. We work to live. I take my time off right now for baseball tournaments and sick kids because that’s where my life is right now. And 10 years ago I took them off to go to the Caribbean with my now husband after a crazy busy season where we literally saw each other at breakfast and bed time for 6 months and we needed to reconnect. And before I met him, I used them to see my friends going through breakups or getting married or to be there for the birth of my niece and nephew. Or to go to music festivals. Or whatever. Because doing those things made my life balanced and made me a better worker. In 10-12 years I’ll use them to travel the world with my husband without kids. Because that’s what I’ll need at that point in my life to bring balance.
I’m a CPA and I fully understand that I’m working in the capitalistic environment that makes us think we owe our jobs more than we owe ourselves. BUT WE DON’T. The job won’t care about you after you’re gone. Don’t put your own needs aside because the job isn’t taking care of its employees! — Jade_Echo - NTA. You did not create this system, and just because you’re single and have no kids does not mean you are less entitled to your time than anyone else. — RedoubtableSouth
- NTA Your vacation days are your own. This is another example of employers not only not giving their employees the bare minimum but enabling a toxic culture in which employees are encouraged to sacrifice what little they get for that bare minimum. And why are these donations made public?– SleuthingSloth009
- I’m a government employee but when my dad died, they told me not to worry about anything and come back when I was ready. I was out for five weeks. The last 2 weeks they secretly let me work from home (we aren’t allowed to anymore) as much or as little or at any time I wanted. My coworkers picked up all my work for me and ran with it. When an employer wants to treat their employees like humans, they can do it. — basilobs
- Your coworkers are also the AH. This is not your responsibility and you’re entitled to free time as anyone else. Just because you’re childfree (at least at the moment), doesn’t make you less than. — jujoking
Our take on it
Health care in the U.S. is SO messed up; this is just a small example. Of course, the original poster (OP) was NTA. That the company would ask people to “donate” their limited PTO for something as common as maternity leave is preposterous. So they are indeed A-holes. The co-workers are equally A-holes for trying to pressure the OP to give up her PTO simply because she doesn’t have kids, ESPECIALLY when she didn’t even know the woman!
What do you think?
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